Years ago, someone in my church congregation regularly informed me that my child could not participate in the Primary (church class for little ones) until she was poddy trained.  I gave her a soft “oh really?” answer, because I knew the real policy – January after the child turned three they would join Primary with kids their age.

But I also knew that Christ Himself would never reject a child, especially not based on something like poddy training. This was a few years before I understood my daughter had autism, but I was noticing some developmental delays. I knew she belonged at church, despite her differences.

By the way, she didn’t poddy train until age four and a half.

Life is tough. I can see countless happy and wonderful parts of life, but do not deny that there are just as many difficult and terrible ones. Faith is truly the only thing that keeps me going, and growing.

Happy Sabbath!

I notice that many religions beseech their faithful to read and study religious texts, and to do so regularly.

My faith is the same. Last January I made a goal to read one chapter of the Book of Mormon every day. I figured by doing so, I could read the entire book every year – for the rest of my life. I desired this kind of guidance and presence in my daily activities.

Maybe you have stories of how things go better when you read scripture, or worse when you don’t. I do too. But mostly, when I don’t read, I am missing something. Something bigger than myself, and something more powerful than any trial in life.

It’s hard to describe, but I will keep trying.

I am gearing up to write regularly again, but I really must tell you what happened!

I was writing the story of how I got in the wheelchair, and now I am not using one.  It has been exactly one year.  So here is an uncharacteristically long post:

My sensory sensory peripheral nerves were dying, there was nothing the physicians could do. I had to learn to be disabled, and was doing all right. There is a lot of help out there. I just worried about my family. How was I going to care for them when I couldn’t even care for myself?

I have always taken things to the Lord, and He always blesses me appropriately, because He ALWAYS knows best. Over a year ago I asked in desperation, if I couldn’t just get all better now?! Calming down,  I understood that it was possible to be healed, but I wasn’t sure if it was OK for me to ask. It took a couple months for me to gather the courage to ask directly, making sure the Lord knew I accepted His will. But I prayed: yes, I really, really wanted to be healed. Please.

Two weeks later my wheelchair had battery problems; then the ramp in my van broke. I was sitting in my soft chair at home, wondering how I was going to register my children for Junior High the next morning. And I felt it deep in my heart – it was time. Time to get up and walk. So I took a deep breath, got up, walked out my front door, down the steps and up the street to my friends house. She thought she had seen a ghost! Neither of us could speak, except I said something about needing a bed to carry. (John 5:5-9) Within ten minutes I was back at my house showing my children that I could dance on the lawn. My nerves were instantly healed – I could feel with my fingers and balance on my toes. We walked around the corner to another friends house, then to Bishop’s, and I got HUGE blisters on my feet because I had not walked that much in 3-4 years! (I am still rehabilitating my ligaments and joints, and still getting in shape after being sedentary for the greater part of 8 years.) At Bishops house I played with his kids on the lawn as he and his wife just stared in awe. (His wife is a physical therapist and helped me a great deal.) Finally, referring to the many issues we had talked about over the years, he said, “Well, THIS is a good solution!”

People say to me that I was healed because I had so much faith… well, yes, BUT. The real faith is accepting the Lord’s will. It takes an amazing amount of faith to be disabled, to know that the Lord could heal you but for whatever reason, He isn’t going to. Similarly with any trial. Of course the Lord could make it go away, but He knows best. The real faith is trusting Him. I had to trust that He wanted this for me, and to not feel guilty around my other disabled friends. (That has actually been difficult, and something I will write about from time to time. I think it is called surviors guilt.)

Awesome story, and I am so thankful it happened to me. I can work with my family in the yard, hold babies, and tie my own shoes. So I have been doing that, rather than writing! But I really like this blog and I like sharing things about autism, parenting, compassion, and arsty and silly stuff. My mantra is “do, or do not, there is no try.” I hope you will join me, and give me feedback!

John 5: 5-9

Healing comes by Faith, and by the power of God. We understand that one must have a lot of faith to be healed. But there is another side to this –

It takes a lot of faith to be chronically ill and disabled.

It takes a lot of faith to remain with physical infirmities, to get up every day and keep living.

It takes a lot of faith to not get mad at God.

It takes a lot of faith to know God CAN heal you, but He isn’t going to because He knows “the end from the beginning.”

I don’t pretend to understand all about my Heavenly Father and His plan, and certainly not about all the dimensions of Faith. But this one, I know.

I know.

The church doesn’t make a profit on what it sells, rarely even charges shipping – so what a deal!

You don’t need to be LDS to appreciate these selections, and if you do want LDS CD music in your home these can’t be beat. (14 CDs for 11.50?!)

There is a special needs section and materials for family history. Mormonads are always fun!

The best gift of all is the knowledge that God lives, loves us, and we can return to Him. We can’t give this to anyone directly – it is something that must be personally sought and obtained. Still, the best gifts can encourage and strengthen those we love.

Best wishes -

… because when I started this site I promised myself I would never write an “I am sorry I haven’t kept up” kind of thing.

Some circumstances in my life have changed dramatically in the last three months. They are good changes! I promise to write about it soon – but here is a hint: my wheelchair is gathering dust in the garage.

I am making adjustments and re-balancing, hoping to continue writing very soon. Let me know if you are still out there, and any requests are welcome!!

cyaround,

This is part of my lesson to my little church class today: Film of the Good Samaritan.

I love this production, set in context of Christ’s parable. Attitudes are poignantly acted. As typical of parables, there are multiple layers on which to reflect.

Let us “go and do likewise.”

Most of my life I thought I was a gangly girl – like maybe I could be pretty, but was too long and stringy. Through high school I spent a lot of time on my appearance, but never actually felt attractive. Beauty was something I could develop on the inside, but never the outside.

R had a unique and stunning look as a baby. With olive skin and almond shaped eyes, she was gorgeous from the beginning. K had porcelain skin, bright blue eyes and such lovely features… which… looked just like mine. I remember gazing at her for the first few months and feeling like I was looking in the mirror. It dawned on me that if we looked alike and she was beautiful – I must be too.

We are children of Heavenly Father, created in his image. Looking in the face of my daughter, I began to understand how Heavenly Father must see me. Being a parent opened my heart to Him, and to my own divine nature.

“The Pioneers” are a meaningful part of Mormon heritage. The people suffered unimaginable things while drawing closer to God and stronger in faith.

I am touched by the reports that they took along their handicapped and infirm. Not typical for standard Oregon trail or gold rush wagon trains. While I am sure there is no perfect record of this, at least the general attitude prevailed – individuals had intrinsic value despite their ability to drive a team, cook on the fire, or even walk. (Well, that and they weren’t going to leave such individuals to the mobs!)

As I continue to lose my physical abilities, this idea means a lot. I have my moments of feeling like a burden. Recalling the pioneers helps me to focus on my intrinsic value and how I should see myself. They wouldn’t have left me behind; I won’t let discouragement keep me behind.